I’ve been meaning to post this for awhile now. I want to explain why this blog is called Afternoon Farts, and there is no better time to explain than today which offers up a perfect example of why this blog is named as such. I fart a lot. I eat a lot of fruit and veggies and lean protein. My farts stink, and come in waves. There is the morning wave and the afternoon wave. The afternoon wave is slightly more problematic because on Friday afternoons and evenings I have to supervise our movers as they move various things for us. I find that I’m often stuck in the elevator with upwards of 6 guys and I can’t but help to blast them in a confined space. This is my very reputation at this point. Any bad fecal matter smell is attributed, often rightly, to me. But additionally I sort of like to think of my blogs as brain farts and my intention was to update this blog daily in the afternoon when I had a moment to transcribe some thoughts. Obviously the daily thing isn’t really happening, but hey it was worth a try.
Anyway, an example of how frequent and awful these afternoon farts are I enter the following as an exhibit. I had just returned from picking up the CEO’s car from the auto body shop after many delays. I was just happy to get it back, less happy that the job, owing to a part being lost in shipping, was not totally complete I went up to 24 to see if maybe I could get the keys back to his assistant tonight as I had promised. No luck, the assistant is gone but the man himself is meeting with another senior vice president and I walk by and then turn around and show him through the glass door I have his key. He waves me in and I start to jabber on at an accelerated rate that his car still isn’t technically done. As I’m jabbering unknown to me until it happens a fart, an audible fart, escapes from my rectum. I keep talking like nothing happened and look into his eyes to see if he picked up on the fart. Maybe he did, I’m still unsure, I feel like he may have heard it. I’m unsure how my farts are smelling today, but if they are anything like the past few days if he didn’t hear it he’ll most likely know I did something I shouldn’t have in his presence so long as he isn’t suffering from some form of congestion. I left the office and started to laugh having not believed I just laid an egg in front of the most powerful man in the company and another very important figure. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, one of these days my anus is going to get me into trouble. Maybe that day was today.
Dipple, Dapple, Depple, Dopple, Dupple
1.20.2009
1.10.2009
Cat Shit and Annelids
Hi, I own two cats. In general I think they are good cats. Most people agree. The one and sole way they act out I even blame or attribute to my own poor actions. If I do not maintain their litter box to their admittedly high standards they will most likely pee in one of my clothes hamper. I have two, The Penguin and The Frog. The Frog is for my clean clothes and he sits in the corner of my room where the sliding glass door opens. The Penguin conversely is where I deposit my dirty clothes after I'm done wearing them. She sits in the opposite corner of the room. To be clear these little creatures are cylindrical clothes hampers that can collapse on themselves flat, but when extended in their full glory they are pretty bitching hampers. They have lids and it is these lids that are fashioned to look like the animals I've mentioned.
The cats are finicky little beasts and by the week's end I've recently been on high alert. When I wake up in the morning groggy and confused I dislike discovering that one of them has fully peed on one shirt and then maybe a little bit extra on another shirt or two. Those are immediately thrown into The Penguin and I continue my hunt, only now I must sniff test anything I may want to wear. This is the life I lead. It is not pretty or glamorous, and it often smells of cat piss.
Today I came home post a wonderful birthday dinner with my parents and notice The Frog has recent evidence that it has been used as a toilet. I can tell this because rather than standing proudly he is crouched and his lips are kissing the floor; a sure sign of cat malfeasance. I go to investigate nose first. Well it didn't smell like piss but it did smell. Next was the hand test to see how fresh this assault may have been. Oddly, there was no moisture. It was during the hand test that I saw the source of my grievance. It wasn't piss I should have been looking for, no, no, cat shit. The good old number two. Sadly this mildly relieved me because poop cleans much easier than pee. Pee sticks with clothes through more than one washing. I turned to The Penguin to get a dirty sock to use as a glove. Dawning the sock I extracted the healthy looking poop and deposited it on the floor. I'm not sure why the floor was a resting point between The Frog and the toilet where the poop was to end up. I then turned my back on the poop for about 10 seconds. I can't remember why I did this, but I for sure did not look at the poop for a little bit of time. When I came back, and this is where the mystery is, and why I'm even posting this, when I came back there was a worm on the floor not 6 inches from the poop nuggets. An earthworm, an annelid, very much alive and wet and wriggling.
I stood confused as all heck looking at this worm. Where the fuck did this guy come from? Did my cat shit out a worm? How the hell is that even possible? Do they have like the most massive worms ever? Should I be concerned? No Baby Guy you may not play with this worm, get out of here, wait, come back, did you do this? Is that yours? Sadly he didn't respond, he did want to play with the worm that may or may not have come from his ass.
I scooped everything up, worm and all, and threw them in toilet and washed my hands thoroughly. I'm now also a little scared of my cats. It appears they can now shit living animals that they just conjure in their colon. I hope they shit a frog or a turtle soon. I sort of want one of those.
No one fires Monkey on my watch!
The cats are finicky little beasts and by the week's end I've recently been on high alert. When I wake up in the morning groggy and confused I dislike discovering that one of them has fully peed on one shirt and then maybe a little bit extra on another shirt or two. Those are immediately thrown into The Penguin and I continue my hunt, only now I must sniff test anything I may want to wear. This is the life I lead. It is not pretty or glamorous, and it often smells of cat piss.
Today I came home post a wonderful birthday dinner with my parents and notice The Frog has recent evidence that it has been used as a toilet. I can tell this because rather than standing proudly he is crouched and his lips are kissing the floor; a sure sign of cat malfeasance. I go to investigate nose first. Well it didn't smell like piss but it did smell. Next was the hand test to see how fresh this assault may have been. Oddly, there was no moisture. It was during the hand test that I saw the source of my grievance. It wasn't piss I should have been looking for, no, no, cat shit. The good old number two. Sadly this mildly relieved me because poop cleans much easier than pee. Pee sticks with clothes through more than one washing. I turned to The Penguin to get a dirty sock to use as a glove. Dawning the sock I extracted the healthy looking poop and deposited it on the floor. I'm not sure why the floor was a resting point between The Frog and the toilet where the poop was to end up. I then turned my back on the poop for about 10 seconds. I can't remember why I did this, but I for sure did not look at the poop for a little bit of time. When I came back, and this is where the mystery is, and why I'm even posting this, when I came back there was a worm on the floor not 6 inches from the poop nuggets. An earthworm, an annelid, very much alive and wet and wriggling.
I stood confused as all heck looking at this worm. Where the fuck did this guy come from? Did my cat shit out a worm? How the hell is that even possible? Do they have like the most massive worms ever? Should I be concerned? No Baby Guy you may not play with this worm, get out of here, wait, come back, did you do this? Is that yours? Sadly he didn't respond, he did want to play with the worm that may or may not have come from his ass.
I scooped everything up, worm and all, and threw them in toilet and washed my hands thoroughly. I'm now also a little scared of my cats. It appears they can now shit living animals that they just conjure in their colon. I hope they shit a frog or a turtle soon. I sort of want one of those.
No one fires Monkey on my watch!
1.04.2009
Mission Update!
As I type this my arms are a little wobbly, pulse is still elevated as is my breathing rate. I've finally topped the 100 consecutive push-up mission. I wasn't planning on going for it today but my first 8 sets felt easy and the final set is designed to be a max rep set. I maxed out at 100. The rest of this day could be totally lackluster and it wouldn't matter, I just climbed a summit I didn't think was totally possible upwards of 2 weeks ago.
If shit were napalm we'd all be in serious trouble.
If shit were napalm we'd all be in serious trouble.
1.02.2009
Mark Wins!
You all are bad friends. You really are. OK, you’re either bad friends you don’t read the Portland Mercury. Fine, I’ll concede it’s probably the latter. But no one out there read last week and what also counts for this week’s Mercury? No one opened up the paper to the letters and read that rather than the normal letters that run every week it was a collection of the best of letters in 2008? Well if they had they would have noticed that yours truly leads off the letters with his letter that won letter of the week back last January. That’s right I penned one of the best of the best of letters. It’s like the crème de le crème of the letter writing populace for 2008. If you need proof here’s the link. Also, the final letter is by far the best one.
I spent yesterday using a five dollar hacksaw to cut my Christmas tree down to size so it can fit in my yard debris can. I then used the same hacksaw to cut down a large limb that broke off of on our trees sometime this week. If you’re wondering if a five dollar hacksaw isn’t the best tool to use to cut thick branches and limbs, well I can tell you it is not. In fact at one point the hacksaw completely feel apart on me. It was fun work though and I can’t think of a better way to spend my New Years morning then in the rain painstakingly cutting wood with a tool not fit for the job.
I then turned my attention to my year end blog. This ate up the next two hours of my day, which is sort of sad considering I worked on it for most of Wednesday at work.
From there Ash and I went to EM where I bought:
Machine Head – The Blackening
Baroness – Red Album
Unsane – Unsane
Kyuss – Wretch
Unearth – The March
Burzum – Det Som Engan Var
Usher – Confessions
Zodiac
I then went home and verbally abused Theo for about an hour as he continually put on shit after shit on TV to watch. What type of shit? Tomcats in HD and The Girl with Sex-Ray Eyes, to name two. Finally we settled on watching Wall-E
Finally I went to sleep only to wake up early for a day of work that I don’t think we should be working. Where I’m going with all this is that at no point did I check the weather and see that snow was even a possibility. Well it did snow, like an inch and a half. I suited up to ride to work and had a heck of time getting off my street. It also turns out that I have no shoe/sock configuration to deal with icy cold water. My feet were so cold they were in pain. I believe my feet have never been colder. The cold was so bad every time I stopped the bike I let out a little grunt of pain. Hey Oregon any time you want to get back to that temperate climate I’ve grown to like so much that would be great.
What are Sex-Ray eyes?
I spent yesterday using a five dollar hacksaw to cut my Christmas tree down to size so it can fit in my yard debris can. I then used the same hacksaw to cut down a large limb that broke off of on our trees sometime this week. If you’re wondering if a five dollar hacksaw isn’t the best tool to use to cut thick branches and limbs, well I can tell you it is not. In fact at one point the hacksaw completely feel apart on me. It was fun work though and I can’t think of a better way to spend my New Years morning then in the rain painstakingly cutting wood with a tool not fit for the job.
I then turned my attention to my year end blog. This ate up the next two hours of my day, which is sort of sad considering I worked on it for most of Wednesday at work.
From there Ash and I went to EM where I bought:
Machine Head – The Blackening
Baroness – Red Album
Unsane – Unsane
Kyuss – Wretch
Unearth – The March
Burzum – Det Som Engan Var
Usher – Confessions
Zodiac
I then went home and verbally abused Theo for about an hour as he continually put on shit after shit on TV to watch. What type of shit? Tomcats in HD and The Girl with Sex-Ray Eyes, to name two. Finally we settled on watching Wall-E
Finally I went to sleep only to wake up early for a day of work that I don’t think we should be working. Where I’m going with all this is that at no point did I check the weather and see that snow was even a possibility. Well it did snow, like an inch and a half. I suited up to ride to work and had a heck of time getting off my street. It also turns out that I have no shoe/sock configuration to deal with icy cold water. My feet were so cold they were in pain. I believe my feet have never been colder. The cold was so bad every time I stopped the bike I let out a little grunt of pain. Hey Oregon any time you want to get back to that temperate climate I’ve grown to like so much that would be great.
What are Sex-Ray eyes?
1.01.2009
You Put Your Tongue Down My Throat At Your Own Risk
I do not like New Years. I really don't like to be reminded that another year has passed. I can sit here and take stock in the previous year and see that I went nowhere. This is magnified by my stupid birthday which is right around the corner. Not only has a year gone by but soon I'll be a year older. But I'm going to be fair and tick off some of the major events from this year. Some negative some positive, should be fun.
- I ring in the New Year by puking on a girl. Listen, so not my fault, you put your tongue down my throat at your own risk.
- "Broke" my wrist. In the process 5 cops cars are called to the intersection where the accident takes place due to my raving lunacy.
- Using my "broken" wrist I re-establish contact with a certain nutty girl. She sticks around for almost a whole month and then once again disappears. She then appears to have some crazy telepathic power that results in her sending me a text or e-mail literally within 24 hours of a date with any other girl. How she does this I do not know, but it frankly scares me a little.
- Finally pay off my remaining credit card debt from when I lived with Craig. Consume about a metric ton of sugar in celebration.
- Ash, the best roommate I'll probably ever have, moves out. I mourn his lose greatly. Speaking of moving I help a record six people (Justin, Ash, Katt, Tim, Greg/Jude/Jo/Sandy Tammy/Jason) move this year If and when I ever move again I'm not lifting a box, I'm calling in some favors.
- I discovered metalreviews.com. Think this doesn't need mentioning? I love metal. This site is like a little drop of awesomeness, and led me towards the likes of, Axxis, Corpsing, Grave Digger, Running Wild, Machine Head, Immolation, Maudlin of the Well, Primordial, and a literal fuck ton of others. It was a like whole other world opened up to me.
- I ride from Eugene to Outer or Deep Beaverton. The 120ish mile ride is by far the highlight of my riding summer. It is also probably my favorite ride ever.
- Days after signing up for Seattle to Portland I ride to work and notice my rear wheel is the opposite of true. When I get to work to investigate I find that my frame is cracked and beyond repair. Devastated I go about finding a replacement bike. I manage to find a frame at a good price and take it to a bike shop to switch over my components to the new frame. I'm told it will be done in time for STP. It is not. I hate life for the two weeks it takes to get my bike back.
- With no riding the previous two weeks due to the above bullet I complete the Summit to Surf Fire and Century while earning raising $450 dollars for the American Diabetes Association. It is one of the most miserable rides I've ever done. I despise Hood River and its wind. The highlight was my ascent up to Timberline which was nearly vomit inducing, but it was worth it to beat a fellow cyclist in all Duck gear after he sucked my tire for most of the way up. Little asshole.
- Destroyed Ash's engine. I know what an oil light is and what it means, but in the Audi it's a cute little graphical image that then goes away, when really it shouldn't. Hey car, if you need oil real bad don't let your oil light go out. Anyway, turns out when an engine has no oil it seizes and then doesn't work anymore. This turned out to be a $3,600 lesson to be paid in monthly installments of $100.
- Took the plunge and became a Blazers season ticket holder. Um, yes it is as awesome as it sounds.
- In an effort to do more in my life I volunteer at Oregon Food Bank. I instantly love the warehousing aspects of the place and begin to go weekly. I wish I could tell you I go because I like feeling like I'm helping, but in reality I just really like moving pallets and boxes.
- I go to my very first live WWE event. How I got to this point I'm not totally sure. I do love the WWE though.
- Take in two Metallica shows, one in Portland the other in Seattle. The Portland show is notable because dear old, emphasis on old, dad comes along. Also, Portland's opener was Down. Phil Anselmo is still a god and no one should ever forget this. Seattle's trip was already blogged about extensively. Hooray for Metallica!
- In what was nothing short of a miracle received a total of $1,900 of the $3,000 that Craig owes me. $1,400 of which went into buying a super sweet 52" HD television. Yes, I'm well aware that a debt transfer with Craig paying that sum to Ash makes a lot more sense, but let me ask you this, does a debt transfer get you sports and movies in crystal clear definition that's so good I'll watch just about anything? No, no it does not. Wizards/Bobcats in HD, you bet!
- Somewhere in the year I dropped 15 pounds.
That, in sum, was my year. I think in general it was a positive one, and one that I can't really complain much about.
Now let's look at the best media of the year in this man's ever humble opinion.
Best Album Of 2008:
Metallica – Death Magnetic
Come on, like it was ever going to go to any other band or album? The whole thing is great though a little uneven. The production is absolute shit, but any album with All Nightmare Long on it is a winner.
Other Notable Albums That Came Out In 2008:
Unearth – The March
Genghis Tron – Board Up The House
Origin – Antithesis
Enslaved – Vertabrae
Motorhead – Motorizer
Equilibrium – Sagas
Baroness – Red Album
Avantasia – The Scarecrow
Albums That Didn't Come Out This Year But Were New To Me And Were Totally Awesome:
Machine Head – The Blackening
Hands down the best album I heard all year. This may be the best album released this decade. Top to bottom it is perfect.
Running Wild – Black Hand Inn
Corpsing – The Stench of Humanity
Arsis – We Are the Nightmare
Avantasia – The Metal Opera Part I and II
Maudlin Of The Well – Leaving Your Body Map
Paramore – Riot!
Primordial – To The Nameless Dead
Sodom – Agent Orange
The Sword – Age Of Winters
Verdunkeln – Einblick In Den Qualenfall
Witchfinder General – Death Penality.
I probably missed a bunch of albums in both categories but I spent a lot of time listening to the above.
Movie of the Year:
Wall-E: No contest on this one. While Dark Knight is excellent Wall-E does everything perfect. I've watched it about 10 times now and enjoy it every single time.
Game of the Year:
Fallout 3: I played it for 70+ hours.
Notables:
Valkyria Chronicles
Rock Band 2
Dead Space
Grand Theft Auto IV
Final Fantasy Tactics A2.
Truthfully, in an effort to curb spending I bought fewer games this year. Also, due to roommates that also want to use the TV I find my time to play game has contracted. Thanks a lot roommates.
Fueled by a new boss I manage to read a fair amount of books this year. A few I would rank up there with the best I've ever read. They were, though I'm sure I'll miss a few.
Infinite Jest – David Foster Wallace (RIP)
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows – J.K. Rowling
Underworld – Don Dellilo
The Yiddish Policeman's Union – Michael Chabon
Stone Junction – Jim Dodge
Gravity's Rainbow – Thomas Pynchon
The Road – Cormic McCarthy
The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles – Haruki Murakami
Sometimes a Great Notion – Ken Kesey
American Pyscho – Bret Easton Ellis
This comes to a total of 6,320 pages. I think I'll kill that this year. The best book I read was Infinite Jest of course, but to be fair, the best book I read that wasn't Infinite Jest was easily Kesey's Sometimes a Great Notion. If you're from Oregon you owe it to yourself to read this. In fact, the person that recommended it to me boldly stated you can't consider yourself an Oregonian if haven't read this book. I happen to agree with that statement. The book is outright genius and something I'll probably reread for the rest of my life.
OK this is getting a little long so onwards to the resolutions.
I will keep working on my various missions, duh.
I will read The Brothers Karamazov. For those that read these year end blogs year in and year out this has been on the last three resolution lists.
Most importantly I will do two things. I will do a better of job of not focusing on the disconnect between where I want to be in life and where I am. This causes me to be annoyed or upset with myself far too often. If anyone has seen me "almost" cry after a soccer game when we tie or lose because I've missed hitting the open net again, or otherwise feel like I've cost us a recreational (as is in purely for fun) game knows I'm a little too hard on myself. Ideally I'll focus on what I do right and not what I do wrong. I will focus on what I have and not what I don't have. Part two will involve me identifying what I want and getting it.
That's it, that's the past year. See you later 2008, hello 2009. I will say as someone that dislikes odd numbers I'm not a fan of this year already or the fact that I'm soon to be an odd number age, 27, here in 12 days. Lousy odd numbers, ruining a whole year for me.
I didn't puke on a girl last night, already off to a bad start to 2009
- I ring in the New Year by puking on a girl. Listen, so not my fault, you put your tongue down my throat at your own risk.
- "Broke" my wrist. In the process 5 cops cars are called to the intersection where the accident takes place due to my raving lunacy.
- Using my "broken" wrist I re-establish contact with a certain nutty girl. She sticks around for almost a whole month and then once again disappears. She then appears to have some crazy telepathic power that results in her sending me a text or e-mail literally within 24 hours of a date with any other girl. How she does this I do not know, but it frankly scares me a little.
- Finally pay off my remaining credit card debt from when I lived with Craig. Consume about a metric ton of sugar in celebration.
- Ash, the best roommate I'll probably ever have, moves out. I mourn his lose greatly. Speaking of moving I help a record six people (Justin, Ash, Katt, Tim, Greg/Jude/Jo/Sandy Tammy/Jason) move this year If and when I ever move again I'm not lifting a box, I'm calling in some favors.
- I discovered metalreviews.com. Think this doesn't need mentioning? I love metal. This site is like a little drop of awesomeness, and led me towards the likes of, Axxis, Corpsing, Grave Digger, Running Wild, Machine Head, Immolation, Maudlin of the Well, Primordial, and a literal fuck ton of others. It was a like whole other world opened up to me.
- I ride from Eugene to Outer or Deep Beaverton. The 120ish mile ride is by far the highlight of my riding summer. It is also probably my favorite ride ever.
- Days after signing up for Seattle to Portland I ride to work and notice my rear wheel is the opposite of true. When I get to work to investigate I find that my frame is cracked and beyond repair. Devastated I go about finding a replacement bike. I manage to find a frame at a good price and take it to a bike shop to switch over my components to the new frame. I'm told it will be done in time for STP. It is not. I hate life for the two weeks it takes to get my bike back.
- With no riding the previous two weeks due to the above bullet I complete the Summit to Surf Fire and Century while earning raising $450 dollars for the American Diabetes Association. It is one of the most miserable rides I've ever done. I despise Hood River and its wind. The highlight was my ascent up to Timberline which was nearly vomit inducing, but it was worth it to beat a fellow cyclist in all Duck gear after he sucked my tire for most of the way up. Little asshole.
- Destroyed Ash's engine. I know what an oil light is and what it means, but in the Audi it's a cute little graphical image that then goes away, when really it shouldn't. Hey car, if you need oil real bad don't let your oil light go out. Anyway, turns out when an engine has no oil it seizes and then doesn't work anymore. This turned out to be a $3,600 lesson to be paid in monthly installments of $100.
- Took the plunge and became a Blazers season ticket holder. Um, yes it is as awesome as it sounds.
- In an effort to do more in my life I volunteer at Oregon Food Bank. I instantly love the warehousing aspects of the place and begin to go weekly. I wish I could tell you I go because I like feeling like I'm helping, but in reality I just really like moving pallets and boxes.
- I go to my very first live WWE event. How I got to this point I'm not totally sure. I do love the WWE though.
- Take in two Metallica shows, one in Portland the other in Seattle. The Portland show is notable because dear old, emphasis on old, dad comes along. Also, Portland's opener was Down. Phil Anselmo is still a god and no one should ever forget this. Seattle's trip was already blogged about extensively. Hooray for Metallica!
- In what was nothing short of a miracle received a total of $1,900 of the $3,000 that Craig owes me. $1,400 of which went into buying a super sweet 52" HD television. Yes, I'm well aware that a debt transfer with Craig paying that sum to Ash makes a lot more sense, but let me ask you this, does a debt transfer get you sports and movies in crystal clear definition that's so good I'll watch just about anything? No, no it does not. Wizards/Bobcats in HD, you bet!
- Somewhere in the year I dropped 15 pounds.
That, in sum, was my year. I think in general it was a positive one, and one that I can't really complain much about.
Now let's look at the best media of the year in this man's ever humble opinion.
Best Album Of 2008:
Metallica – Death Magnetic
Come on, like it was ever going to go to any other band or album? The whole thing is great though a little uneven. The production is absolute shit, but any album with All Nightmare Long on it is a winner.
Other Notable Albums That Came Out In 2008:
Unearth – The March
Genghis Tron – Board Up The House
Origin – Antithesis
Enslaved – Vertabrae
Motorhead – Motorizer
Equilibrium – Sagas
Baroness – Red Album
Avantasia – The Scarecrow
Albums That Didn't Come Out This Year But Were New To Me And Were Totally Awesome:
Machine Head – The Blackening
Hands down the best album I heard all year. This may be the best album released this decade. Top to bottom it is perfect.
Running Wild – Black Hand Inn
Corpsing – The Stench of Humanity
Arsis – We Are the Nightmare
Avantasia – The Metal Opera Part I and II
Maudlin Of The Well – Leaving Your Body Map
Paramore – Riot!
Primordial – To The Nameless Dead
Sodom – Agent Orange
The Sword – Age Of Winters
Verdunkeln – Einblick In Den Qualenfall
Witchfinder General – Death Penality.
I probably missed a bunch of albums in both categories but I spent a lot of time listening to the above.
Movie of the Year:
Wall-E: No contest on this one. While Dark Knight is excellent Wall-E does everything perfect. I've watched it about 10 times now and enjoy it every single time.
Game of the Year:
Fallout 3: I played it for 70+ hours.
Notables:
Valkyria Chronicles
Rock Band 2
Dead Space
Grand Theft Auto IV
Final Fantasy Tactics A2.
Truthfully, in an effort to curb spending I bought fewer games this year. Also, due to roommates that also want to use the TV I find my time to play game has contracted. Thanks a lot roommates.
Fueled by a new boss I manage to read a fair amount of books this year. A few I would rank up there with the best I've ever read. They were, though I'm sure I'll miss a few.
Infinite Jest – David Foster Wallace (RIP)
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows – J.K. Rowling
Underworld – Don Dellilo
The Yiddish Policeman's Union – Michael Chabon
Stone Junction – Jim Dodge
Gravity's Rainbow – Thomas Pynchon
The Road – Cormic McCarthy
The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles – Haruki Murakami
Sometimes a Great Notion – Ken Kesey
American Pyscho – Bret Easton Ellis
This comes to a total of 6,320 pages. I think I'll kill that this year. The best book I read was Infinite Jest of course, but to be fair, the best book I read that wasn't Infinite Jest was easily Kesey's Sometimes a Great Notion. If you're from Oregon you owe it to yourself to read this. In fact, the person that recommended it to me boldly stated you can't consider yourself an Oregonian if haven't read this book. I happen to agree with that statement. The book is outright genius and something I'll probably reread for the rest of my life.
OK this is getting a little long so onwards to the resolutions.
I will keep working on my various missions, duh.
I will read The Brothers Karamazov. For those that read these year end blogs year in and year out this has been on the last three resolution lists.
Most importantly I will do two things. I will do a better of job of not focusing on the disconnect between where I want to be in life and where I am. This causes me to be annoyed or upset with myself far too often. If anyone has seen me "almost" cry after a soccer game when we tie or lose because I've missed hitting the open net again, or otherwise feel like I've cost us a recreational (as is in purely for fun) game knows I'm a little too hard on myself. Ideally I'll focus on what I do right and not what I do wrong. I will focus on what I have and not what I don't have. Part two will involve me identifying what I want and getting it.
That's it, that's the past year. See you later 2008, hello 2009. I will say as someone that dislikes odd numbers I'm not a fan of this year already or the fact that I'm soon to be an odd number age, 27, here in 12 days. Lousy odd numbers, ruining a whole year for me.
I didn't puke on a girl last night, already off to a bad start to 2009
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