I'm going to offer all readers of this fine blog a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. As some may very well know My favorite book of all time, by a distance and value that is literally immeasurable, is David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest. The book, which was published in 1996 is largely set in the fictionlized year of 2009 (The Year of the Adult Depends Undergarment (wouldn't you love to understand that reference? Well you can if you read the book!)) and in the month of November of that year. So you see, doing a reading of this book starting next month only makes sense right? I've got two other people on board, but if you've ever felt an inkling to read this book right now is the time. Ideally I'd like to get a reading group going, not a sissy one that meets fact to face, though that would be fun, but one that inspires the longest most awesome e-mail conversation to ever grace our inboxes. This will be the fourth time I've read the book so I'm very capable at this point of answering questions, and offering encouragement to make it through the book. In fact I may be the best reading group leader of all time for this book, okay probably not, but I'm certianly the most qualified person you know.
I want to talk a little about the book, but to do so I first want to crib this little synopsis from the ever-awesome site goodreads.com which I feel like you also need to join and be my friend. Social networking + Books = fantastic.
"In a sprawling, wild, super-hyped magnum opus, David Foster Wallace fulfills the promise of his precocious novel The Broom of the System. Equal parts philosophical quest and screwball comedy, Infinite Jest bends every rule of fiction, features a huge cast and multilevel narrative, and questions essential elements of American culture - our entertainments, our addictions, our relationships, our pleasures, our abilities to define ourselves."
Understand that prior to reading IJ when I was 18 or 19 I never really read for pleasure and I certainly didn't read anything all that great. DFW and this book inspired me to be the reader I am today. If you associate me with books, reading, and a love of words understand this is solely because of this book. I'm not sure everyone will like it as much as I do, but I also feel like making your way through this book is one of the more rewarding reading experiences you can have. I just want as many people as I know to read it so I have more people to talk to about my favorite book. Understand that at my core as a human I feel I should be defined by my love of metal, and my love of this book. In short, if you choose to read this book next month I honestly feel like you'd be extending a new level of friendship to me and I'd feel indebted to you. Is that weird?
You can find copies of this book in paperback for 10 dollars new. A 10th anniversary edition was published in 2006 with a forward by David Eggers. The new price of that edition is $10. You can probably find it used for even cheaper. I assure you, you may never find a better bargain for a piece of entertainment than 10 dollars or less for this book when you consider the number of hours you'll need to finish it.
Consider joining me on this journey through one of the 20th centuries greatest books, I feel like you won't be sorry. And at the very least if you hate it we'll have another reason to argue, and hey, arguing is always fun.
10.21.2009
10.09.2009
Full Yet Empty
I leave you this weekend with this which is filed under “Mark is a touch crazy, neurotic and paranoid” folder of his life.
When I ride my bike around town I’m leery of a few things, but the thing I’m most concerned about for some reason is someone on foot while the wait for a bus, walk on a sidewalk, loiter, whatever, is to extend their arm out and clothesline me off my bike. Yes, this is a real concern for me. So real is the concern I will always edge my bike away from the sidewalk as I attempt to gauge each person’s arm length. If this means I have to slightly veer into the traffic lane so be it. What is even more baffling is I’m convinced that the homeless are more likely to do this than a none homeless person. Where does this thought even gain any basis in reality? I think my thought process is something along the lines that those that are homeless clearly resent me for having not only a home, but also enough spare time and energy to ride a bike whereas all their energies have to go into sustaining a difficult life on the streets. Now why they would manifest this jealously (?) into causing me physical harm is anyone’s guess. In reality, let’s be honest, not a single person on the sidewalk that sees me ride by even pays me any attention. Yet, without fail this crazy thought enters my head and not only do I think it I then act on it by shifting my line to avoid their an outreached hand that is surely never to come. I do have a contingency plan should it happen. In fact I should post a series of blogs about my contingency plans should tragedy strike while riding a bike. I have plans for all manner of things that will almost assuredly never happen to me.
The inverse of the also happens. Sometimes I notice that as I ride past them they will edge away from the terminus of the sidewalk. Why, for what reason? Are they worried I will somehow clothesline them while riding? Do they not understand the physics of that act would hurt us both and me probably worse? I’m irrational.
Okay so I somewhat tell the 1-100 metal album thing was met with muted interest. I can understand that but understand this; the thing will be epic. It won’t just be music, music, music, it will be how the music shaped(s) my life with a lot of stories from my life as it relates to certain albums. I know that also doesn’t sound interesting but trust me I’m already composing bits in my head which means when the finally get transcribed to here it will be strong and fun reading.
I sat down and hammered out 58 must have albums on the list without reference to any my Zune or my CD collection. Then I added up to 83 after consulting the Zune and my CD case which means I have 17 albums still to brainstorm and then I have to set about ordering them. When the first post hits is a mystery, but I think you may like it when it does.
When I ride my bike around town I’m leery of a few things, but the thing I’m most concerned about for some reason is someone on foot while the wait for a bus, walk on a sidewalk, loiter, whatever, is to extend their arm out and clothesline me off my bike. Yes, this is a real concern for me. So real is the concern I will always edge my bike away from the sidewalk as I attempt to gauge each person’s arm length. If this means I have to slightly veer into the traffic lane so be it. What is even more baffling is I’m convinced that the homeless are more likely to do this than a none homeless person. Where does this thought even gain any basis in reality? I think my thought process is something along the lines that those that are homeless clearly resent me for having not only a home, but also enough spare time and energy to ride a bike whereas all their energies have to go into sustaining a difficult life on the streets. Now why they would manifest this jealously (?) into causing me physical harm is anyone’s guess. In reality, let’s be honest, not a single person on the sidewalk that sees me ride by even pays me any attention. Yet, without fail this crazy thought enters my head and not only do I think it I then act on it by shifting my line to avoid their an outreached hand that is surely never to come. I do have a contingency plan should it happen. In fact I should post a series of blogs about my contingency plans should tragedy strike while riding a bike. I have plans for all manner of things that will almost assuredly never happen to me.
The inverse of the also happens. Sometimes I notice that as I ride past them they will edge away from the terminus of the sidewalk. Why, for what reason? Are they worried I will somehow clothesline them while riding? Do they not understand the physics of that act would hurt us both and me probably worse? I’m irrational.
Okay so I somewhat tell the 1-100 metal album thing was met with muted interest. I can understand that but understand this; the thing will be epic. It won’t just be music, music, music, it will be how the music shaped(s) my life with a lot of stories from my life as it relates to certain albums. I know that also doesn’t sound interesting but trust me I’m already composing bits in my head which means when the finally get transcribed to here it will be strong and fun reading.
I sat down and hammered out 58 must have albums on the list without reference to any my Zune or my CD collection. Then I added up to 83 after consulting the Zune and my CD case which means I have 17 albums still to brainstorm and then I have to set about ordering them. When the first post hits is a mystery, but I think you may like it when it does.
10.07.2009
1-100
I still can’t believe that last night I posted this as my Facebook status update, “… has big plans for his blog, details forthcoming tomorrow. He feels so lame for posting this.” It’s true I feel lame on two levels. The first being that anyone really cares about a blog I seldom if ever update, and is generally filled with prose that no one cares about when I do update it. The second, being that I’d use my Facebook account to even mention my blog, or that I use Facebook as much as I do. Sadly, this is the life I lead and this is where I’m at.
Still I trudge on in the face of lameness to revel my epic and prolific plans for this space. But first, because have I ever been direct and to the point in my writing, I’d venture to say “no,” I offer a brief explanation. Every day I take a nap during what is my lunch break despite the fact I eat my lunch a few hours prior to when I clock out. I read for a bit and then crash out for about 40 minutes. Sometimes however I crash out for about 30 minutes and then doze for the final 10 minutes. In these ten minutes my mentalese, that is my internal thoughts, often ape the exact voice from the book I’m reading. It almost feels like I have a fever dream every day only less scary and more perplexing than anything else. I also hatch various plans that almost never see the light of day because, well, a semi-concious Mark seldom thinks up anything worth actually doing. Not yesterday though, nay, yesterday was a brilliant idea that will give me more than enough reason to update this space.
Ready, here goes, and when you’re doing reading please try not to sigh too deeply in disappointment, I’ll hear it; I swear. I like lists, lists are fun, but I seldom like lists created by other people. Namely I cannot stand to look at lists created by other people about music because I just flat out disagree. Sure, that’s half the point to inspire debate but I fucking swear if I see AC/DC topping another list for anything metal related I will impotently rage at the computer screen, or TV, or whatever. I endeavor to make a list of my top 100 metal albums of all time. Each entry in this epic list will have a brief review of why the album slays, and what it means to me. Yup, I know this means I’m basically doing this solely for myself, but this is what you people have driven me to.
Don’t expect to see the fruits of this list making anytime soon, but when the first entry hits prepared for some epicness.
Still I trudge on in the face of lameness to revel my epic and prolific plans for this space. But first, because have I ever been direct and to the point in my writing, I’d venture to say “no,” I offer a brief explanation. Every day I take a nap during what is my lunch break despite the fact I eat my lunch a few hours prior to when I clock out. I read for a bit and then crash out for about 40 minutes. Sometimes however I crash out for about 30 minutes and then doze for the final 10 minutes. In these ten minutes my mentalese, that is my internal thoughts, often ape the exact voice from the book I’m reading. It almost feels like I have a fever dream every day only less scary and more perplexing than anything else. I also hatch various plans that almost never see the light of day because, well, a semi-concious Mark seldom thinks up anything worth actually doing. Not yesterday though, nay, yesterday was a brilliant idea that will give me more than enough reason to update this space.
Ready, here goes, and when you’re doing reading please try not to sigh too deeply in disappointment, I’ll hear it; I swear. I like lists, lists are fun, but I seldom like lists created by other people. Namely I cannot stand to look at lists created by other people about music because I just flat out disagree. Sure, that’s half the point to inspire debate but I fucking swear if I see AC/DC topping another list for anything metal related I will impotently rage at the computer screen, or TV, or whatever. I endeavor to make a list of my top 100 metal albums of all time. Each entry in this epic list will have a brief review of why the album slays, and what it means to me. Yup, I know this means I’m basically doing this solely for myself, but this is what you people have driven me to.
Don’t expect to see the fruits of this list making anytime soon, but when the first entry hits prepared for some epicness.
9.28.2009
Hawks and Falcons
It was mentioned to me this weekend that his blog needs more frequent updates. I was flattered that someone would be interested enough to make comment that I feel the need to oblige, so here goes. I would update this more frequently, but understand my life is dull and finding topics worth writing about is not easy and also explains the lack of updates.
This weekend featured the following:
The skewering of movie based on a David Foster Wallace book that is sort of unfilmable, but turns out is rather filmable it someone is clever enough to adapt the book to a screenplay. That person is none other than John “I Play Jim Halpert in TV’s The Office” Krasinski. The show off wrote, directed, and appears in the movie as the male lead. He’s like a vastly more talented Zach Braff in this regard. I liked the movie, would almost recommend it to most, and sort of want to see it again. All in all not a bad review for a film based on one of my favorite books.
I think I ate about 10 big ass cookies this weekend. The cookies, a dowry for the parking space in our driveway that goes unused, were brought by a kid in Eugene who operates a cookie making company. The cookies, the type wrapped in plastic and sitting near register at coffee shops, were all quite good. I regret nothing.
I took in the Alice in Chains concert that had to be seen and heard to be believed. Those dudes can play.
The discovery of the NFL Red Zone channel. This channel is simply amazing. I watched it transfixed for over an hour (there are no commercials!) and was sad I had to leave the house and not watch it for the afternoon games.
I did one charity ride for Transitions Global which I will now detail.
I’ve done a lot of charity rides by this point so going in I had a set of expectations. I was slated to start at 7:00 a.m. so I showed up at 6:30 a.m. for check in, and, more importantly, free bagels, donuts and coffee all of which were promised. I arrived at the parking lot and I want to first point out that at 6:30 a.m. on Sunday morning it was cold and windy. I checked in and surveyed the parking lot only to discover no coffee, no bagels, and no donuts. This, a perceived denial of a promised breakfast, is a quick way to make me a little irritated. Shortly after though the bagels appeared and mystifyingly I took a blueberry bagel despite the fact that I never like blueberry bagels, never. Sigh.
At this point it was still about 20 minutes to 7:00 so I sat in a seat and shivered while hoping some coffee would arrive. Coffee did finally arrive but no coffee cups, have no fear though we had wax paper cups designed for water not hot coffee. No matter, I swilled coffee and got my daily allowance of wax as it melted into my coffee.
This still meant no donuts which was sort of chapping my ass at this point.
The meantime I had to do something about this blasted rider number. On rides like this you get a number that is to be pinned on you so that volunteer and ride officials and easily tell you’ve paid for the ride. Ideally the number is made of a special material that is near tear and sweat proof. Not this ride, I was given a sheet of regular old 92/20 office paper. Now how in the heck is one to pin this on their back, and expect it to stay there and not tear, or get so soaked in sweat it turns to mush? At this point I realized while the intentions of this ride were fantastic, the planning and organization were lacking. I took my number and ingeniously affixed it to my backpack and went back to me chair to shiver.
As I sat in this chair it donned on me that the very cause for this ride would mean that for once a ride like this would actually have attractive females. In truth, I realized this when I checked in and all three working the registration table were attractive. But anyway back to my chair and my shivering. I sat there watching people begin to check in and noticed a cutie had looked at me as I sat and shivered. This doesn’t happen often but she turned and looked again and I caught her checking me out, probably, or not at all, whatever. No really, she was checking me out I’m sure of it.
At this point I reached about the limit of which I would tolerate sitting and shivering and decided to just forge ahead on the ride alone as the person I was to be riding with was now pushing 15 minutes late. I walked to my bike and was ready to swing my leg over the.,. but what are those? White boxes, pastries, donuts, back away from the bike and follow those boxes. Okay I didn’t actually follow the boxes so much as beat the boxes to the table where they would eventually come to rest. I had literally consumed one donut and was working my second before anyone else had noticed they had been delivered. Thus is my heightened sense of baked goods. Oh and the donuts were still warm and totally worth all the shivering.
With the donuts consumed and my patience wearing thin from having to listen to this dude talk to me about this new bike which he thought was a KLS, but seeing as KLS doesn’t exist it is most assuredly a KHS, I made a move to finally start the ride a full 20 minutes after I wanted to. I also want to point out that at this point I was fully ready to ditch out on the ride and return home.
I started riding and got caught up at a light. I checked out who was around me and sure enough the cutie that had been checking me out was now behind me and to the right. We smiled at each other and then turned my attention to the light. It turned green and what did I do? I took like three quick pedal strokes and more or less sprinted away from the group around me, including the cutie, and was again on my own. If there is an art to unintentionally staying single I’ve mastered it.
I caught up with more riders until I was again alone, then I got lost causing me to take my own route. After sometime I got back on the right route and passed the first group that left a full 15 minutes before me. I passed them and alone again out on Marine Drive at this point there isn’t much to mention anything else about the ride. From Marine Drive I made my way home as I again got lost. I didn’t stop at any of the rest stops and didn’t even bother to return to the start/finish line. I still managed to bike the 27 miles, just not on their route.
The rest of the weekend was spent watching football or doing yard work.
I feel more than a little sore today.
And you see why I don’t blog regularly, I’ve managed to get this far and say absolutely nothing of merit. I think that you my fellow readers should tell me what to write about and I’ll do it. Shoot a comment and let me know what you want to know more about. Otherwise you’ll be stuck reading about cycling, and music.
This weekend featured the following:
The skewering of movie based on a David Foster Wallace book that is sort of unfilmable, but turns out is rather filmable it someone is clever enough to adapt the book to a screenplay. That person is none other than John “I Play Jim Halpert in TV’s The Office” Krasinski. The show off wrote, directed, and appears in the movie as the male lead. He’s like a vastly more talented Zach Braff in this regard. I liked the movie, would almost recommend it to most, and sort of want to see it again. All in all not a bad review for a film based on one of my favorite books.
I think I ate about 10 big ass cookies this weekend. The cookies, a dowry for the parking space in our driveway that goes unused, were brought by a kid in Eugene who operates a cookie making company. The cookies, the type wrapped in plastic and sitting near register at coffee shops, were all quite good. I regret nothing.
I took in the Alice in Chains concert that had to be seen and heard to be believed. Those dudes can play.
The discovery of the NFL Red Zone channel. This channel is simply amazing. I watched it transfixed for over an hour (there are no commercials!) and was sad I had to leave the house and not watch it for the afternoon games.
I did one charity ride for Transitions Global which I will now detail.
I’ve done a lot of charity rides by this point so going in I had a set of expectations. I was slated to start at 7:00 a.m. so I showed up at 6:30 a.m. for check in, and, more importantly, free bagels, donuts and coffee all of which were promised. I arrived at the parking lot and I want to first point out that at 6:30 a.m. on Sunday morning it was cold and windy. I checked in and surveyed the parking lot only to discover no coffee, no bagels, and no donuts. This, a perceived denial of a promised breakfast, is a quick way to make me a little irritated. Shortly after though the bagels appeared and mystifyingly I took a blueberry bagel despite the fact that I never like blueberry bagels, never. Sigh.
At this point it was still about 20 minutes to 7:00 so I sat in a seat and shivered while hoping some coffee would arrive. Coffee did finally arrive but no coffee cups, have no fear though we had wax paper cups designed for water not hot coffee. No matter, I swilled coffee and got my daily allowance of wax as it melted into my coffee.
This still meant no donuts which was sort of chapping my ass at this point.
The meantime I had to do something about this blasted rider number. On rides like this you get a number that is to be pinned on you so that volunteer and ride officials and easily tell you’ve paid for the ride. Ideally the number is made of a special material that is near tear and sweat proof. Not this ride, I was given a sheet of regular old 92/20 office paper. Now how in the heck is one to pin this on their back, and expect it to stay there and not tear, or get so soaked in sweat it turns to mush? At this point I realized while the intentions of this ride were fantastic, the planning and organization were lacking. I took my number and ingeniously affixed it to my backpack and went back to me chair to shiver.
As I sat in this chair it donned on me that the very cause for this ride would mean that for once a ride like this would actually have attractive females. In truth, I realized this when I checked in and all three working the registration table were attractive. But anyway back to my chair and my shivering. I sat there watching people begin to check in and noticed a cutie had looked at me as I sat and shivered. This doesn’t happen often but she turned and looked again and I caught her checking me out, probably, or not at all, whatever. No really, she was checking me out I’m sure of it.
At this point I reached about the limit of which I would tolerate sitting and shivering and decided to just forge ahead on the ride alone as the person I was to be riding with was now pushing 15 minutes late. I walked to my bike and was ready to swing my leg over the.,. but what are those? White boxes, pastries, donuts, back away from the bike and follow those boxes. Okay I didn’t actually follow the boxes so much as beat the boxes to the table where they would eventually come to rest. I had literally consumed one donut and was working my second before anyone else had noticed they had been delivered. Thus is my heightened sense of baked goods. Oh and the donuts were still warm and totally worth all the shivering.
With the donuts consumed and my patience wearing thin from having to listen to this dude talk to me about this new bike which he thought was a KLS, but seeing as KLS doesn’t exist it is most assuredly a KHS, I made a move to finally start the ride a full 20 minutes after I wanted to. I also want to point out that at this point I was fully ready to ditch out on the ride and return home.
I started riding and got caught up at a light. I checked out who was around me and sure enough the cutie that had been checking me out was now behind me and to the right. We smiled at each other and then turned my attention to the light. It turned green and what did I do? I took like three quick pedal strokes and more or less sprinted away from the group around me, including the cutie, and was again on my own. If there is an art to unintentionally staying single I’ve mastered it.
I caught up with more riders until I was again alone, then I got lost causing me to take my own route. After sometime I got back on the right route and passed the first group that left a full 15 minutes before me. I passed them and alone again out on Marine Drive at this point there isn’t much to mention anything else about the ride. From Marine Drive I made my way home as I again got lost. I didn’t stop at any of the rest stops and didn’t even bother to return to the start/finish line. I still managed to bike the 27 miles, just not on their route.
The rest of the weekend was spent watching football or doing yard work.
I feel more than a little sore today.
And you see why I don’t blog regularly, I’ve managed to get this far and say absolutely nothing of merit. I think that you my fellow readers should tell me what to write about and I’ll do it. Shoot a comment and let me know what you want to know more about. Otherwise you’ll be stuck reading about cycling, and music.
7.23.2009
Haint
It was on this day three years ago that I was back in Portland after being picked up by my mom in Redmond after I had failed to even get out of the state on what was to be a cross country bike trip. It is, to date, the single greatest failure in my life. Three years later I can accept it for what it is, but it still stings and bugs me. There were a lot of logistical mistakes to the planning of my first attempt. I learned a lot. You'll note I said first attempt. I'm doing this trip, I'm now seeing it as a solo thing, but I'm going to do it. I'm not sure when, but I can't imagine I'll ever really be at peace with myself unless I complete what I failed at three years ago.
In other news you can help me. I often sit around and wish my life would get magically better. Like, I wish that my landlords would call me up one day and say, we're looking to sell the house. If you want we will sell it to you for cheap, and it totally works and thus I have a house. Or like at work when a new vehicle is bought for someone and I have to compile all the information on the old car (mileage, tire status, repair history) to pass on to the person that buys the car I often just hope the company decides, "you know, Mark you need a car, here's car we no longer need, here's your reward for taking such good care of it for the past 2 and half years." As you can tell this is all very outlandish and not likely to happen. I understand that, but I still wish and hope for things like this all the time. With that in mind, you can help make my life magically better by taking the time to vote for me at the link provided below. See the premise is I'd get a Lexus to drive for a year. I'm not sure why only a year, but whatever, a year of having my own car is better than no car I figure. And before you just dismiss me by saying "Fuck Mark, he's not worth the time to register for this lame as promotion," please realize that most of the people currently registered to win already own a car, not only that they already own a Lexus. If anything vote for to spite those greedy fuckers. Also, you might as well forward that link on to as many people as possible. Seriously, don't let some rich asshole that already pilots a Lexus win this contest.
VOTE!
Since this is my blog I have no problem also shamelessly hitting you up for money. Once you get back from voting for me to win the Lexus swing on by the ADA Tour de Cure site and donate some money to the ADA. I'm really proud of the money I've managed so far, but asking one more time can't hurt. The ride is this Saturday with temperatures expected to be in the high 90's. Can't wait to get that patented cycling burn on my left arm and thigh.
DONATE!
Now don't go leaving thinking I never gave you anything. Well you still might feel that way soon enough, but as always my never ending quest for new music leaves me with the following recommendations for you.
Death Angel - Killing Season
Goblin Cock - Come with Me If You Want To Live
Wizard - Thor
Helloween - The Dark Ride
You can't go wrong with any of those.
In other news you can help me. I often sit around and wish my life would get magically better. Like, I wish that my landlords would call me up one day and say, we're looking to sell the house. If you want we will sell it to you for cheap, and it totally works and thus I have a house. Or like at work when a new vehicle is bought for someone and I have to compile all the information on the old car (mileage, tire status, repair history) to pass on to the person that buys the car I often just hope the company decides, "you know, Mark you need a car, here's car we no longer need, here's your reward for taking such good care of it for the past 2 and half years." As you can tell this is all very outlandish and not likely to happen. I understand that, but I still wish and hope for things like this all the time. With that in mind, you can help make my life magically better by taking the time to vote for me at the link provided below. See the premise is I'd get a Lexus to drive for a year. I'm not sure why only a year, but whatever, a year of having my own car is better than no car I figure. And before you just dismiss me by saying "Fuck Mark, he's not worth the time to register for this lame as promotion," please realize that most of the people currently registered to win already own a car, not only that they already own a Lexus. If anything vote for to spite those greedy fuckers. Also, you might as well forward that link on to as many people as possible. Seriously, don't let some rich asshole that already pilots a Lexus win this contest.
VOTE!
Since this is my blog I have no problem also shamelessly hitting you up for money. Once you get back from voting for me to win the Lexus swing on by the ADA Tour de Cure site and donate some money to the ADA. I'm really proud of the money I've managed so far, but asking one more time can't hurt. The ride is this Saturday with temperatures expected to be in the high 90's. Can't wait to get that patented cycling burn on my left arm and thigh.
DONATE!
Now don't go leaving thinking I never gave you anything. Well you still might feel that way soon enough, but as always my never ending quest for new music leaves me with the following recommendations for you.
Death Angel - Killing Season
Goblin Cock - Come with Me If You Want To Live
Wizard - Thor
Helloween - The Dark Ride
You can't go wrong with any of those.
7.16.2009
Oh Happy Fun Time
I'm a genius! No really, ok well, maybe not, but I did stumble across something today that I think any one of us can use. Okay, so I've been going for long bike rides after work for about five years now. In that time I've ridden in any weather imaginable and I find that the extreme heat is still my favorite. It does however pose some comfort issues. The high heat and dry air is, at times, uncomfortable. My skin feels warm, my eyes feel dry, that type of discomfort. So what is there to do? I've found two coping methods that work fairly well. The first is to always, always, always, bike through any and all sprinklers that reach the road. I like this because this comes down to chance, or knowing my routes well enough that I can anticipate where sweet, cold, watery, rain on a cloudless day may be. The downsides is this isn't common, so, while nice, really won't do. The other option is to boorishly pour water all over my head and let the mildly warm water drip, like trickle down economics, to my body below. Now this is problematic because normally on high heat days I wear a hat so my hat gets wet, which it already is as it is usually saturated with sweat, and then my face a bit and that's about it. Also, I'm fairly paranoid this water will ruin my ear buds which I think is baseless since they reside in my ear and surrounded by sweat for many hours. This is also a huge waste of water. Water being a precious resource most of the time, it is not something I want to waste.
This lead me to today's most brilliant idea. I've managed to combine the coolness of the sprinkler with the at hand nature of water-bottle-over-the-head tact, while also limiting water loss. Ready? Okay it really is pretty smart. It is simple. You take a swig of water and then, as though you are Triple H, or HHH, whatever, you mimic his entrance theatrics and spray water directly in front of you in a fine mist. Your forward motion will carry you into the mist cooling down your face, arms, upper body, and maybe even your legs. See the brilliance? And as an added bonus you get to practice doing Triple H's spit mist. Okay, yes, you are pretty much spitting on yourself, that's sort of gross maybe. Also, should a car see you, or someone else, you may look a little dumb. But I would counterpoint all that by saying the refreshment level of self made mist is really quite high and totally worth looking like an idiot.
There, don't say I never gave you a great idea. Run forth, cycle, spit a fine mist into yourself on a hot day and thank me when that cool water clings to your body cooling you down, for I am a genius.
This lead me to today's most brilliant idea. I've managed to combine the coolness of the sprinkler with the at hand nature of water-bottle-over-the-head tact, while also limiting water loss. Ready? Okay it really is pretty smart. It is simple. You take a swig of water and then, as though you are Triple H, or HHH, whatever, you mimic his entrance theatrics and spray water directly in front of you in a fine mist. Your forward motion will carry you into the mist cooling down your face, arms, upper body, and maybe even your legs. See the brilliance? And as an added bonus you get to practice doing Triple H's spit mist. Okay, yes, you are pretty much spitting on yourself, that's sort of gross maybe. Also, should a car see you, or someone else, you may look a little dumb. But I would counterpoint all that by saying the refreshment level of self made mist is really quite high and totally worth looking like an idiot.
There, don't say I never gave you a great idea. Run forth, cycle, spit a fine mist into yourself on a hot day and thank me when that cool water clings to your body cooling you down, for I am a genius.
7.13.2009
I Was Always Partial to Sub-Zero or Liu Kang
Growing up I always assumed a few things, and it is interesting how those assumptions play out the older I get. For instance, I assumed I’d never be someone that would ever communicate his annoyance or displeasure with sloppy or incorrect English to those offending parties. I just assumed I’d never be the cranky old man behind a desk penning missives to companies that spell things wrong, or make a grammatical error. Turns out I’m exactly that person. I do however think that it isn’t solely that I have the mind of a grumpy 50 year old man decrying the decay of the youthful society around him, though there is that. I think that the ease at which it takes to communicate my complaints via the internet means I’ve reached this road much earlier than anticipated.
Case in point, this Saturday (which will get its very own extended blog have no worries) I was in a car that happened to pass by Kids Kastle Learning Center in Beaverton and I quickly remarked that it didn’t seem quite correct to misspell the Kastle since this is after all a learning center. This stuck with me until today when I actually sent them the following e-mail which in order to do I actually had to fill out an application for admittance to their prestigious learning center. To be fair the learning center is really just a pre-school, but still school is where we learn things like how to spell castle rather than kastle.
“I do somewhat apologize for wasting your time since I have no kid. I'm writing because it seems strikingly odd that a learning center would actually misspell a word in the title of your business. Kastle, as you know, is not correct and while it does create a visional alteration, Kids Castle, is still a phonetic alteration which is actually more important since alterations are base on sounds of words, but not how the they look. My point is by misspelling castle you pretty much muddle up the mission statement of a learning center and lose a lot of credibility just for the sake of being cutesy.”
Certainly not my best efforts, but I am all excited every time I see I’ve received an e-mail. Sadly they haven’t gotten back to me. There is also the distinct possibility that this place is actually focuses solely playing of and surrounding lore of Mortal Kombat. If that’s the case I withdraw all concerns and applaud their efforts to teach the youth of our nation how to execute Fatalities.
"Our showers looked like a hate crime"
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